Have you ever fought with God?

Have you ever fought with God? It doesn't make life easy, and you never win.  I didn't know I was fighting with God until I threw up the white flag.  I almost literally threw my hands up in surrender when I recognized the battle I was in.  

Let me start from the beginning of the week. It was awful. I was not happy, I was tired, I blamed my companion for a lot of things in my head, I was thinking about how much I missed my family and friends and my dog, honestly.... I just wanted to go home, the last thing I wanted to do was leave the house and fail all my attempts to teach the gospel.

I testify that God answers every prayer of His missionaries.  Even the ones you think are secret that He wasn't supposed to hear.  

I got sick.  Which means we stayed in the house and I had an excuse not to talk to people when we did leave.  But I was even more miserable.  I really prayed so many times to God.  Asking why I was here, asking that He would allow me to think about my family and be trunky for a while.  Basically I was the worst missionary ever. 

Then I stumbled upon a talk I had meant to read since the beginning of my mission. Quick shoutout to Carly Goff for being my angel and leaving behind the talk for me.

The talk is called "The Fourth Missionary" By Lawrence E. Corbridge.  It is too amazing and long to explain everything, but basically there are four types of missionaries.  The last one, the fourth missionary, gives their ALL to God. They literally give all their desires, wishes, and dreams to God.  Even the good righteous ones about the future.  All of that is "boxed up at home with the rest of their things."  That is the missionary I want to be.  Giving up my very will to match the will of God.

So I surrendered to God because, like it says, it is the only intelligent thing to do.  Corbridge quotes President David O. McKay saying,"The greatest battles you will ever fight will be within the silent chambers of your heart."  He goes on to explain "that battleground is between what you want and what the Lord wants.  If you surrender, if the Lord wins, you win also.  If you win, if your will prevails, you and the Lord both lose. 

The only way to win is to lose."

YES I am finally understanding what it means to lose myself in the work.  The rest of this talk is beautiful and every word inspired me.

I hope I have not wasted my time in relating this.  I hope that each one of you can apply this to your lives whether or not you are on a mission.  If you are fighting against what God wants of you, Stop it. Surrender. Join the Light Side of the force. It is easier to follow the current of the Lord's will than to swim against it.

I am not a perfect missionary, nor do I ever expect to be. But I am choosing now to be the Lord's missionary.

"Trust Him that He will make of you, immeasurably more, that what you will ever, ever, in all eternity make of yourself.  He will create of you a masterpiece, you will create of you only a smudge.  You will create an ordinary man, He will create a God."

Trust the Lord.  Take my word, it is a lot easier. I am so much happier now and I am growing more than ever. I love you all!

Fun Facts...

- When the Cholitas sit to peel their potatoes or wash their clothes, they sit like frogs!

- Also there is no such thing as A/C or heaters in the houses, so you just have to survive in whatever climate it is. Since it is freezing here everyone is always bundled up!

Don't count the days, make the days count!

~Hermana Madsen